Archive for June, 2009

I want to go to there.again.

June 28, 2009

 

I just got home about an hour ago.

stlucia_map

I think I might officially be in need of grieving time. I found myself damn near in tears when I got off the final plane and realized that my honeymoon was over, and I am no longer living my dream of being an island woman. 

No. Seriously- St. Lucia is so F*ing rad. I cannot put words into how much I love this place. It is so beautiful. Truly, the views made me lose my breath at times.

StLuciapitons

 

Other than kicking it all day at the pools and at the swim up bar… Man-Friend and I went snorkeling twice. 

Some of the things we saw…

 

Tons of Blue Tang Fish!

Tons of Blue Tang Fish!

I got lots of salt water up my nose from the Caribbean Sea, as well at the Atlantic Ocean. 

 

We saw a whole crew of Squids! They swim together in formations...

We saw a whole crew of Squids! They swim together in formations...

 

It's a Jellyfish!

It's a Jellyfish!I can even say that both Man-Friend and I got minor stings from a cluster of baby jelly fish...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I woke up every morning at 5:30 AM so that I had a chance to take in the ocean and breath, and be thankful for the opportunity to experience this place. 

This was the view…

Coconut Bay St. Lucia

Coconut Bay St. Lucia

 *********************************************************************************

Real life is starting again. 

Man-Friend and I had such a nice time together. I am honestly sad to say that I am also grieving the fact that him and I have to go back to regular life with stress, work, frustrations, and things that keep us from spending as much quality time together as we should. Having a solid week of just us… truly priceless.

I keep saying that I want to grab my bindle, build my own shanty and start growing vegetables to live off of… I think I could probably get a job at one of the many banana plantations in St. Lucia. Other than that… there are probably only a few other details to pin down…

Between the sun, the ocean, the bananas, and the stray dogs throughout the island… I am pretty sure I found heaven. 

I want to go to there.

*DS

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That Can’t Be Right, Can It??

June 10, 2009

According to this website, I have not written on here since April 29, 2009. Shit man, that is ridiculous and unfortunate. It probably would have helped me a lot to write down the chaos in my brain over the past few months. Oh well.

It is official.

I am a married woman.

Everything came together in such a fantastic way. People told me ahead of time that there are always things that go wrong, and there was, but nothing that mattered. It was RAD. I loved my wedding. I would NOT go back and do it all over again, as I have perfect memories of it already.

Although, that is not to say that at least once a day for the past few months, I was overwhelmed to the point that I wish I had a no questions asked pharmacy to make things better…

phenomenal.wordpress.com/.../ 17/transformations/

phenomenal.wordpress.com/.../ 17/transformations/

But alas, I lived through the event, having only minor medication adjustments.

w.toxel.com/.../

w.toxel.com/.../

What I am really struggling with now, is how the hell could it possibly be that I have not written since April. How the shit is it June already??

Now that the chaos of planning a wedding, going to college, working day time hours at a non-profit,  working evening and weekend hours at the salon, and not having a day of the week off to call my own, I am becoming aware of the importance of taking time for oneself. I have been neglecting myself more than I ever thought I would/could. I am suddenly so aware of how nice it is to have a real conversation with people that I love. The realization of how close to the edge I was is starting to hit home.

How do I make my way back?

www.heightsarts.org/.../ 2007news/june4a-2007.htm

http://www.heightsarts.org/.../ 2007news/june4a-2007.htm

Not just sleeping full nights or eating something other than shit… but actually being alone for longer than a train ride to one job or another, actually thinking about what I might like to do this weekend, or this summer, or even (oh my!) hanging out with Man-Friend (my now husband!) when it is light out, and I am not falling asleep on the couch. I have pretty much completely ignored every natural need/want that I have had for the past two and a half months.

I am not going to let myself ruin my life, my friendships, my marriage,  because I feel like I should be working 14 hours a day, just because I can.  I cannot ignore the fact that  during peak wedding planning time, startling dreams woke me every few hours in a panic, reminding me that there are 24 valuable hours in every day and I was wasting some by actually attempting to sleep for more than 3. I am not going to become the  people in my life who I have watched allow their own lives deteriorate due to self-neglect.

This is me taking a stand for myself. I don’t know how I am going to find my way back, but I know I need to. I am not allowing myself to be unhappy with my physical, mental, and spiritual state in the hopes of paying bills and making others happy anymore.

danlacher.wordpress.com/.../

danlacher.wordpress.com/.../

This wedding is over. It was phenomenal. I worked hard as hell to make it happen, and now I am going to work hard as hell on me.


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